astraea

Upon getting things done....

2003-03-03T23:01:21Z

Things I have done and am quite impressed with me about:

I put up Kes’s hilarious Buffy Three Meet Blackadder II. Great crossover fic - if you haven’t read it, go do so now.

I finally looked up the heights of Wes, Spike and Lilah, so that I can be accurate instead of guesstimate-y.

I did actually do some work today, thus edging ever closer to freedom, sweet freedom.

I found a novel plot in my brain. I wrote a little bit of it on paper. It seemed to flow. I drafted out a few ideas and realised I could write this and enjoy doing so and I can write it in a style I’m very comfortable with. It lends itself to writing snippets now and then so I can put it on the long (ish) finger for now, but – yay! Having a go at writing this will make me happy.

Google says.....

2003-03-02T23:08:51Z

Having fun with search terms and wondering does anyone actually come to my site on purpose????

Google says:

Buffywillowxanderblowjobstory ( Um, I wrote this *when*???)

erection mental images/ pain images whip/ mental block and erection (A new plot bunny :))

ww1 weaponry (Hee, some poor student expecting something historical)

weaponry in ww1 (And not learning their lesson)

geneva convention + prisoners of war (Another disappointed and rather surprised historian)

sister drunk collapsed panties (There must be a fic in that…..)

super collapsed (What was this person looking for? I’m genuinely curious)

unwilling blowjob (This one’s just creeping me out. Who are you and why are you at my site?)

hands tied blowjob picture (You too. Out! Out!)

bombvampire video obey the fist (Um, ?????)

she snapped his balls (She did what now?)

she fondled his balls (Oh, okay!)

Wondering about Calvary....

2003-02-25T16:09:12Z

I finally gave in and read the script for Calvary - yeah, bold I know, but I’m going spoiler-free for Buffy so I have to do something. Also, officially it's research. Hee. I read Awakenings and Soulless a little while back, on the basis that a lot of what I’m scribbling at the moment is set then and I wanted to weed out the major problems before I finally actually get to there on my TV (so to speak). Like, say, finding out it’s dark there in LA at the moment, what with the no sun (duh).

Also, I’d got the idea that Lilah had been killed and I wanted to know was it really true. And it would seem to be. Damn them anyway. Although part of me thinks it’s a better end than the inevitable hell of ‘redemption’ had she stayed alive and a main character for long enough. Redemption sucks (is a major theme of mine these days).

Okay – here’s what gets me. She says at some point that literally everyone related to Wolfram and Hart was killed – people who weren’t even in work that day (I’ve seen a few people hoping that doesn’t include Lindsey!) Except Lilah. Isn’t that a bit odd? To stress that she was the only person in the whole place to be spared? You’d assume there might be some reason for this. And then she just gets knifed. Fine, for plot purposes, but not the Beast’s plot purposes.

I haven’t seen anyone explain this – is there any speculation out there?

Or do I just want Lilah back alive again and making with the snarky comments?

God I can’t wait to see these eps!!!!

astraea111 @ 2003-02-24T23:14:00

2003-02-24T23:25:46Z

I have spent wa-ay too much of this evening trying to get Spike and Lilah into bed with each other. Or onto the couch and upside down. Whatever turns them on. Damn them, they want to *talk*. I am not amused. Yesterday, they were all about the smut. Today – talking.
Writing this fic is considerably more intimidating since I realised how little Spilah fic there is out there. It’s easier to hide in a crowd.

Does this explain why I’m stalling and lj-ing? Hmmmm.

Adding friends...

2003-02-24T20:42:00Z

I have been adding lot of people to my friends list (in case anyone was wondering!) Some are friends I didn't know had LJs, some are people I have been reading for ages, but never actually friended. It's a part of my new organised life which involves:

Putting the people on the friends list who I'd like on the friends list (a continuing project)

Doing the commenting thing, which I'm starting to enjoy.

Doing the feedback thing. This is something that has always made me feel guilty. I read a lot of excellent fic that I never respond to. Starting last week, I vowed to send a few brief emails a day either about fics I am currently reading, or stuff I read in the past that I loved. We all like getting the feedback but some of us are lazy-assed bitches about sending it. Well, I am anyway. Funnily this new drive seems to have coincided with Internation Feedback Week which seems to be happening right now!

I suppose it's about being a little more involved in this whole community that entertains me and makes me happy. And yay! I feel like a better person already!

Spike/Lilah

2003-02-23T23:39:58Z

Has anyone happened upon any Spike/Lilah fic? Ever? If not, why not? I've just done every search I can think of and I'm coming up with sweet fuck all.

And now I'm thinking about some of the pairings that people do write (restrains herself from mentioning pairings she does not like so as to avoid a war) and I'm thinking why the hell is no one writing Spike/Lilah? Funny world.

astraea111 @ 2003-02-23T21:54:00

2003-02-23T22:05:30Z

I’m insanely full of weird nervous hyper-energy today. Ever since I woke up (I brushed my teeth with a fury that would suggest the world depended on it). I have done absolutely nothing to deserve this energy and I’m not sure I like it. It’s bad energy, making me irritable and squabblesome. I went for a four mile walk despite a sore ankle. Still with the energy. I went on the exercise bike and listened to Nirvana at full volume until I was profoundly bored with the exercise bike and never want to see it again, and still with the energy. So finally, after a day of looking for pointless ways to expend this energy, I sat down and wrote (work writing, not fun writing). Which is good, I feel less stressed when I’m doing something vaguely productive. I’m kind of amused that it took all day before that idea struck me.But my typing’s even worse than usual, and I’m probably going to cry when I see the results of my efforts tomorrow. I think I’m going to try some yoga now.

Did someone slip me some speed while I was sleeping?

astraea111 @ 2003-02-19T21:02:00

2003-02-19T21:12:08Z

This is getting very exciting – I finished something else. And, for anyone wondering, this brand new, never seen before, don’t expect it to continue habit of actually finishing stuff hasn’t been interfering with my Lilah and Spike and Wesley series which is progressing very nicely in the background of my life.

Anyway, I had a sudden need to write some Angelus, hence: Auld Lange Syne. A little darker and more disturbing than my usual fare, and also containing a Buffy/Angelus pairing, which is just downright weird for the girl who writes B/S and pretty much nothing else.

Of course, now I want to write Angelus/everyone (one at a time, *eg*)

In other news, I was working very conscientiously on the thesis until last night when I had to go to the pub for a relative’s birthday bash. I drank very little, but stayed up til 5 am anyway, making for a tired and rather cranky day today. Bleah. I am too old for the 5 am thang. When I got home, the milkman had already left the milk. I remember when that was an exciting thing, a sign of living a suitably rebellious youth. I am so over my rebellious youth. Today it was a sign that I wanted my bed *right* *now*!

Little fic thing

2003-02-14T21:13:47Z

Wheee! Posted something, a finished thing! Hating Spike (http://www.geocities.com/astraea111/HatingSpike) since I still haven’t looked up how to do links. It’s just a little season 6 PWP, but I am happy for various reasons. For a start, it’s the first time I have actually written a pwp, without the plot getting in the way, as plots will try to do. It’s also a little exercise in writing a descriptive scene, with relatively little dialogue. Finally, it’s almost exactly a year since I first sat down and tried my hand at this fanfic thang (this writing thang, for that matter) so it makes me happy to read this and realise that I have actually improved!

Random thoughts

2003-02-13T00:07:08Z

Just heard on the news that scientists have declared that when people kiss they automatically tilt their heads to the right. Which of course led to the question: which way does Spike tilt his head?

astraea111 @ 2003-02-12T20:11:00

2003-02-12T20:17:21Z

In the everlasting saga of Me vs The Supervisor, I’m not sure who exactly is winning. He is wreaking my head, but I managed to make him feel very small (and he’s rather small to begin with) today. Of course, that was after he not only failed to show up at the arranged time, but had entirely forgotten my existence (I’d reminded him of my existence by phone only a short time before.) So words and home truths were spoken (by me) followed by profuse apologies (by him), followed by death threats (by me). It’s about my only consolation that I work for someone I can death-threaten. It scares me a lot that someday, in a galaxy not so far away, I’ll work for someone that I’ll have to pretend to have respect for. Now that’s gonna be tough.

Currently, I have about 5 lines of a fic to work over before I can post it. I really want to post something. For me, the last five lines are always the hardest, and can take somewhere in the region of 6 months to write. My plan for tonight is to use the aggressive verbal skills I’ve been honing in work all day to kick my own ass till I finish this.

astraea111 @ 2003-02-11T17:29:00

2003-02-11T17:35:30Z

I keep thinking about stuff to write in this and then…forgetting. Story of my life. Which is why the story of my life never gets written down. I’ve been having much fun writing fanfic for the last week or so, after two weeks of unsuccessfully trying to make my supervisor spare five minutes to, oh I don’t know, actually talk to me. So I took the attitude of, fine, he can just be paying me to write fanfic then. Hee.

So I’ve been indulging my Lilah love. I knew I wanted to write something with Lilah, but that presents difficulties for someone who doesn’t really watch Angel (well, I do, but I don’t pay great amounts of attention.) So I thought I’d write a crossover. And then it sort of turned into a series, as these things will. Or a sort of a series. Or the potential for a series. I just thought Lilah deserves her own souled vampire.

But now that I’ve finally hunted down the supervisor and beaten him repeatedly about the head until he actually sat down and had something that in his head probably passed for a conversation, I have to do some real work again. Which is a damn shame, because I’m enjoying this. And I worry that if I don’t keep at it, it will end up stuck on the hard drive with all the other WIPs that I never get to finish.

Damn work.

Same Time, Same Place. Yeah, Thursday again......

2003-01-30T22:19:25Z

I should mention that all thoughts expressed here are sponsored by red wine and double chocolate chip cookies. Yum Yep, loving Thursdays a lot. Just watched Same Time, Same Place. Which, apparently, I knew very little about – I thought I’d read about it but – no. So that was nice. I was only minutely spoiled as at turned out. But, on the bad side, not the sort of episode that would convince me to say, buy a dvd series (hee, one track mind). No, it wasn’t at all fantabulous, I really only liked Anya, (‘is it difficult or time-consuming?’ Respect.) and then started to feel like they were entirely over-writing her delightfully rude charm. Dawn’s research grossness and entertaining paralysis were….mildly entertaining. But I was sort of glad they took the time to integrate Willow back into things. And I love strong, inner-happy Buffy. However, I strongly wanted to slap their faces over the using Spike as blood-scenting-device thing. It just seemed petty and mean. Hey, the person who used to help out and be a member of the team has lost his mind through trying to go the right thing – let’s take advantage! But that’s speaking as someone who is now officially sick to death of insane Spike at this point. (Okay, I was sick of him when I hear rumours last summer, but that’s not the point – get over do, do it off screen, I want cool Spike!)
Oh – but I liked the fact that they took some time to take the piss out of the yellow-crayon speech! Ha!
I don’t want to watch the beginning of AtS S4, I want to get to the bit all the US people are raving about (pout), but on the plus side, I recognised various images tonight from Closer. I do so love doing things backwards!
Okay, random ramblings over for now. Little brain needs a break.

astraea111 @ 2003-01-28T19:58:00

2003-01-28T19:59:27Z

Things that I needed to buy:

1. A new umbrella. Mine has a broken spoke that sticks out in a jagged way and seems intent on poking out at least one of my eyes.
2. A new discman. Mine will only play if sellotaped shut. Also the batteries fall out at random intervals due to random plastic breakages.
3. A new mobile phone. Mine only rings when it feels like it, regardless of whether people are in fact trying to get through. Thus many of my friends are tetchy because they think I’m ignoring them, when in fact I’m just not getting their calls.

Things I have bought instead:
1. Buffy DVDs, seasons 2,3 and 4. S2 and S3 are ordered and on their way, S4 is in my computer as I type.

Three cheers for thoughtful planning and wise shopping choices!

Video Hell....

2003-01-27T15:32:36Z

What exactly is my problem with taping TV programs? I would really, really love to know. Maybe a great deal of therapy would help me tape TV programs without causing the next apocalypse, but maybe not. In the light of ordering Buffy DVDs, I thought I’d check just how disorganised my video tapes really are – the results are not pretty. I have 14 video tapes that seem to contain Buffy episodes in some form or another. They also have any amount of other miscellaneous junk. Sometimes with maybe one really good hour of keep-worthy TV bang in the middle of 6 hours of crap. I’ve just found the Brad Pitt episode of Friends. Aaaagghhh! I have two, yes, *two* versions of Harsh Light of Day, one with ads, one without. Both are censored versions, which I hate, with no B/S snark in the final fight scene. Why, why, oh why do I have this twice? Why have I kept episodes of West Wing that are all fuzzy looking and crappy quality? Why?

Worst of all, why in the whole of my life have I never kept a record of what I put on each tape? Each is labelled, sure. It’s labelled with one word, usually referring to the first thing on the tape, sometimes to whatever used to be the first thing on the tape but was long, long ago taped over with something even more useless. Why, oh lord? Roll on the DVDs.

Ultimately, I’ve reached the decision that no, I don’t need to invest in new tapes any time soon!

astraea111 @ 2003-01-26T20:26:00

2003-01-26T20:27:11Z

Lying bastards – DVDs were *not* 2 for the price of 1, video box sets were. I don’t want video box sets. But somewhere along this path of discovery, my mild interest in obtaining Buffy DVDs became slightly crazed and obsessed. Now, of course, that I couldn’t have them I absolutely had to have them. Also, when I saw the prices in the shops I laughed a lot (the cheapest I saw was 100 euros for a season – ha!) So when I got home I ordered S2 and S3 online, total price 90 euros (someday must learn how to do the little symbol-y thing) I really want S4, for that’s considerably more expensive, never mind. So either on Friday or on Monday week, I will have a new and immense source of distraction. Yay! This little bit of retail therapy has made up for the traumatic journey home on the bus-that-would-never-arrive-and-then-would-never-move.

Distracted

2003-01-26T16:15:28Z

Feeling distracted, flightly and bold. Have had snippets of fics that simply must be written flying through my head all week. Fought valiently with these evil impulses for a long time, continuing to get work done, then realised that some day I'd be sorry I hadn't taken notes while the clever dialogue stuff was in my head. So I write down the odd bit here and there as it comes to me - and, of course, it turns into a full fic-writing escapade. Bad me. I have the guts of a S6 PWP written at this point (which I'm quite proud of, generally once I start writing it becomes plot without porn, and that hasn't happened here) as well as some other ideas that I'm desperately trying to ignore, because they are big, and they are interesting and they will entirely usurp the position my thesis is supposed to be taking.

Anyway, none of it is my fault (hee), supervisor is being a ****** and won't proof-read, help, encourage in any way at the moment. He smiled at my self-inflicted deadline. This makes it hard to stay super-motivated. I think I may have to run him through it a sword.

Even bolder, however, is my current plan to maybe buy Buffy DVDs - apparantly the box sets are 2 for the price of 1 at the moment, so I'm off on my merry way to investigate this now. Yes, I foresee a good evening of work before me now.

Beneath You!! Whee.....

2003-01-23T22:35:56Z

Dear sweet god. Okay, so I’ve been hearing about that damn episode for what? 3 months now, but it doesn’t really take away the impact. So now for the random thoughts: S/X look – I squealed loudly and delightedly. I swear these writers have discovered their sense of humour this summer. Did they get touched by a glowy eyed demon? Or get buried in a cage beneath the ocean to reflect upon their wrongs? (And I’ll get to that in a minute.) ‘Bite me, Harris.’ Another cheer from me. Although I disliked Xander’s moral righteousness, which continues unperturbed by the world about him. The final scene – I particularly loved the insertion of ‘Well, yeah. Where have you been all night?’ into a scene of good old fashioned genuine insanity. Which is a thing that is *not* my favourite thing in this world. Nor do I like pseudo-Shakespearian shit for the sake of fancy-schmancy melodrama (I hung out with drama students for waaay too long.) But, this one passed muster. Funnily enough, I liked Buffy during all the crazy stuff a lot more than Spike. He gets the talky-talk but her reactions are wonderful, both in the church and after he stabs worm-guy. You can see her mind working, wondering what the hell is up with him, and gradually realising that it’s not some typically inept Spike plot.

So two thumbs up there.

I should explain to US people that we get Buffy at 8pm, then Angel at 9pm immediately afterwards. (And then Scrubs, which is currently making me laugh cos they’re singing ‘Charles in Charge’ in 4 part harmony.)

So after the magnificence of Beneath You, we got the first epy of Angel Season 4. Someone somewhere had a sense of humour – first we watch crazy Spike, then we watch crazy Angel-in-a-box. Ha!!! When I watch Buffy, I’m in bed, the lights are dimmed, anyone who interrupts dies. When I watch Angel, I’m cleaning my room, online, generally getting on with my life. But I did watch it and….I don’t know. I want to follow this season for a variety of reasons, but the only thing that’s going to keep me going is Lilah. And Wesley. And Lilah/Wesley. Not sure which of them is is sexier. I cheered again when Lilah – sorted out her problems.

And now, as though I haven’t done little enough work this evening (For the record, I have done precisely none), West Wing is on, and I’m already deeply in love with S4 (after 2 episodes) They’re letting Bartlett Be Bartlett, which makes me very happy and they may yet atone for the embarrassment that was their season finale. As may Buffy and Angel.

astraea111 @ 2003-01-19T14:41:00

2003-01-19T14:54:39Z

I recieved award-y goodness this morning - Crushed got runner up for best angst in The Shades of Grey Awards and Raising the Stakes got runner-up for best comedy/fluff. This made me jump about a bit when I found out - awards good, work bad. It also made me want to write non-work related stuff, which is bad. I got the Crushed award this morning, and who grins at me from my hotmail account but DB in all his red-shirted, sharkily-smiling glory. Which made me laugh a lot, for the powers that be have decided that I *will* have a pic of Angel on my site. Entertaining. I looked at it and thought - someone desoul him already!

Other than that, work was only interrupted by us FINALLY GETTING S7 BUFFY!! (cue Dance of Joy) I loved Lessons, even if I'd already heard anyhting worth hearing about. Oh the joy of Happy Buffy and Cheery Dawn. And cute, cute new guy. And a demon that shouts 'get out, get out, get out!' Given that this is probably the last seson, I really want to watch some of it unspoiled - it would be nice to actually see an episode where I don't have deep routed suspicions of what will happen next, or, you know, be able to quote it word for word! So I'm avoiding even rumours form the US from now on. After all, I will get 2 hours of Buffy and Angel every week for the next 21 weeks, that will just have to be enough to keep me going.

astraea111 @ 2003-01-14T23:55:00

2003-01-14T23:55:25Z

On Feb 14th, I am a free woman. I have decided. I have announced it to the world. I have yet to announce it to my supervisor, but nyeh, watcha gonna do. Four weeks and three days to finish this and then it. Is. Going. In. That’s all there is to it. There are times, just very rare times in my life that I am highly motivated. This last year hasn’t been one of them. And asking me to fix my own deadline - never the greatest plan. But I’m ready to do this. I will watch the 6th episode of Buffy a free woman. I like this decision. And I haven’t spent the day just marking my calendar with happy yellow circles, I’ve actually spent the day working.

Even if it’s very, very bad, (still very, very bad) it’s going in and I am having a party and I’m getting my life back.

Thesis, (looks it in the eye) You are Going Down.

Sing-song

2003-01-11T23:46:14Z

One of those e-mail things that's actually funny. But that probably won't be within a matter of months.

Sing this song to the tune of: "If You're Happy And You Know It Clap
Your Hands"

If we cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq.
If the markets hurt your Mama, bomb Iraq.
If the terrorists are Saudi,
And the bank takes back your Audi,
And the TV shows are bawdy,
Bomb Iraq.

If the corporate scandal’s growin’, bomb Iraq.
And your ties to them are showing, bomb Iraq.
If the smokin’ guns ain’t smoking,’
We don’t care and we’re not jokin’
That Saddam will soon be croakin’
Bomb Iraq

Even if we have no allies, bomb Iraq.
From the sand dunes to the valleys, bomb Iraq.
So to hell with the inspections,
Let’s look tough for the elections,
Close your mind and take directions,
Bomb Iraq.

While the globe is slowly warming, bomb Iraq.
Yay! The clouds of war are storming, bomb Iraq.
If the ozone hole is growing,
Some things we prefer not knowing.
(Though our ignorance is showing)
Bomb Iraq.

So here’s one for dear old daddy, bomb Iraq,
From his favourite little laddy, bomb Iraq.
Saying no would look like treason.
It’s the Hussein hunting season.
Even if we have no reason,
Bomb Iraq.

Confession

2003-01-06T18:19:10Z

I always said I would *never* do this. I always made snide comments to people who did this.

I’m on the Atkin’s Diet.

In a reluctant, shame-faced, not-really-telling-RL-people sort of way. But I’m on it (2 days now) and I have no overwhelming urge to break out bottles of wine and pizza and chocolate, so – that’s better than any healthy eating plan I’ve tried of late. I kept hearing good things about it from people (and scoffing. And then scoffing down chocolate) and I finally bought the book and thought – hey, I can live on unhealthy stuff and lose weight instead of living on unhealthy stuff and getting fatter! This I like! It also promises an end to cravings and binges, a claim so surreal that this one I have to try. At the moment I’m eating cheese like I used to eat chocolate – and waiting impatiently for the miracle to unfold.

Though I have to say, in other ways I have totally gotten my shit together – sent off job application (for a cool job that I want and have been told I have an 80% chance of getting? And yet I took til today to apply for? Crazy girl.) Got my CV sorted out, a gigantic achievement, as I am scared of my CV.

And I feel like I’m finally ready to finish The Thing. (The Thing is my thesis. In my head, it goes by ‘The Thing’ complete with Capitalisation and a strong conviction that it’s related to the First Evil.) The Thing will be done. Because I will do it. And then I can spend the rest of my life never thinking about it. No fanfiction until the poxy Thing is done and submitted and my brain doesn’t feel like it has butterflies in it. The Thing causes both stomach butterflies (fear that it will be turned down as the piece of worthless trash that it certainly is) and brain butterflies (fear that I will be thinking about it For-Fucking-Ever!)

So the new year starts here.

Quotage

2003-01-02T23:54:37Z

Had a whole fun idea-plan last night that necessitated staying up til 3am reading fanfic. As so many of my grand plans tend to do  I’ve always wanted to do a whole collection of all my fave fanfic quotes, and after a full year of reading fanfic, I finally bit the bullet. Of course that means I never actually marked any of them during the whole year of obsessive reading, so hey, now I’ve gotta go back and read all my favourites again. Work avoidance, here I come!

All suggestions welcome, btw!

Then this evening, Sky One blithely announce at 7.57, “Coming up, brand new Buffy!” And show a trailer for something that looked like Lessons. (Spoiler whole that I am, I think I know what a trailer for Lessons should look like.) So naturally, I leap out of my seat, nearly fall over the assorted crap on my floor, grab the first video I can find (Star Wars I and II!) shove it in and press record.

And Sky One proceed to show Bargaining.

Hummph.

I wants me my new Buffy. But preferably without the heart attack. When, when, Oh Lord?

New Years Eve

2002-12-31T21:17:46Z

So I get to celebrate New Year’s in bed, sick. Not that I’m entirely in bed, because I’m sort of crap at staying in bed when I’m ill. But no power on earth could get me out of the house tonight, so I’m seeing in 2003 from the comfort of my bedroom instead of at the cool cocktail party I was supposed to be at. Although, since the idea of cocktails makes me nauseous, I’m not feeling so bad about that. But I should probably stop talking about cocktails. Bleah. I was, entertainingly enough, subjected to an interesting selection of questions from family and friends about what exactly was wrong with my insides. Sheesh, people, how much do you really want to know?

I’m not sure I’ll be awake till midnight. Got about 5 hours sleep last night, after which I was woken up by people arguing right outside my bedroom door. Argue elsewhere at *9am*! Is that too much to ask?
‘Twas quite a lot my own fault as I started thinking about new fic when I went to bed. Bad idea. Brain starts working. Sleep goes bye-bye. Astraea spends 2 hours plotting plots instead of sleeping and is exhausted as well as sick the next day.

And then my site collapsed. Apparently, people seem to like yesterday’s little fic. Which is good. And then they all tried to view it at the same time and the bandwidth thing, that I thought only happened to important people…happened. I had noticed that hits were way up this week generally. Ah, my baby’s all grown up.

So, being v v bold, I paid the nice Geocities people money, get the adds removed and my bandwidth increased and all is well with my world. I reckon it’s the money I’m saving my being sick on NY Eve and not going out.

That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. Have to go admire my add-free site again!

Yay! (zzzzzzz)

2002-12-31T00:32:45Z

I have a great sense of achievement, but also exhaustion. Fic is done. http://www.geocities.com/astraea111/SoT.html

I wonder does that work. Tomorrow I will find out about this LJ thang. But not today. astraea sleep now